


Pun-Tower

by eigwayne



Category: The Silmarillion and other histories of Middle-Earth - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Bad Elvish, Dick Jokes, Gen, Puns & Word Play, Quenya, multilingual wordplay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-11
Updated: 2021-02-11
Packaged: 2021-03-17 05:35:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 814
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29345235
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eigwayne/pseuds/eigwayne
Summary: During the Second Age, Celebrimbor and Gil-galad discuss the rejected names for Ost-in-Edhil, and Celebrimbor reveals that his inheritance from the mighty Fëanor includes more than just skill at the forges.
Comments: 5
Kudos: 40





	Pun-Tower

**Author's Note:**

> It's my birthday and I'll post bad Elvish puns if I want to.
> 
> Anyways, please assume Celebrimbor is named by his mother, "Telperinquar" or "Tyelperinquar" in Quenya. One of the jokes does not work if his father gave him that name and really, I think it's more likely that Curufin carried on the "-finwe" naming scheme. All other puns and terms are described or at least heavily implied in the text. The "Teen and Up" rating is due to said wordplay being somewhat naughty.
> 
> And yes, Celebrimbor calls the brilliant and murderously divisive Fëanor "Grampy."

“I’m a little disappointed that ‘Ost-in-Edhil’ is the name that stuck,” Celebrimbor said as they walked down the halls of said city.

Gil-galad’s mind screamed that this was a trap, a linguistic rabbit hole that was, in its own way, as dangerous as any physical ambush. And yet he couldn’t still his tongue.

“It’s a fortress made by Elves. I think the name is quite apt.”

“Yes, and there’s a pleasant rhythm to it, I admit, but I had several other names we could have used. Tadduin. Siria or Iaduin, either could work. Sindarin’s more flexible than Celeborn gives it credit for. Sometimes I wonder if he ever had a lámatyávë. And my personal favorite was Puntirion.”

Two Rivers. River-cleft or Cleft-of-river, if he was following Celebrimbor’s thoughts correctly. Something that describes the location would be a nice, straightforward name for a town, even if it lacked the grandeur of ‘Ost-in-Edhil’. But his second point was moot. Gil-galad knew for a fact that Celeborn had a lámatyávë, the time when an Elf reveled in love of their language. When deep in his cups one night, Celeborn had admitted to spending all his linguistical energy on creating a name to call Galadriel, who had been Nerwen or Artanis at the time. Madly in love, the Sinda lord wanted something more elegant than “man-maiden” or “noble woman”. Something that sang her beauty in every syllable, in every language.

When deep in /his/ cups, Celebrimbor admitted that Celeborn had succeeded. Usually he got weepy afterwards. It was terribly embarrassing for Gil-galad to see either of them like that.

(“Imagine having such a beautiful daughter and naming her /Nerwen/,” Celeborn would sniffle, overcome by the thought of his lovely wife. “The Noldor may create wonders, but not when naming their daughters!”)

(“The only other name that sounds as lovely in any language is mine,” Celebrimbor would blubber, overcome by both hubris and shame. “My mother was the true genius in the family, and her only rival is that stick in the mud Celeborn!”)

But Gil-galad wasn’t sure what to make of that last name for the Fortress of Elves in Eregion. There weren’t many Sindarin words with the ‘pun’ sound in them, and just as few in Quenya. “Puntirion?” he repeated. “I thought ‘punta’ was a linguistical function.”

“It is,” Celebrimbor said. “A stopped consonant, one with no following vowel when writing. And it’s not entirely out of line, if interpreted more loosely. This town is a ‘stop’ on the road to Khazad-dum.” He grinned, and yet again Gil-galad felt older than his cousin who had seen the light of the Trees. “But Puntirion works on more levels than that. A pun in Westron-“

“Celebrimbor, if you tried to name this town ‘Pun-tower’ I may be forced to throw you off the parapet.”

“And in an old dialect of Quenya, before it was even called Quenya-“

“Please tell me you didn’t propose this name in from of Cirdan, or Oropher, or Galadriel,” Gil-galad said, still stuck on the Pun-tower thing.

“In old dialect of Quenya,” Celebrimbor repeated, determined to get his joke out. “There is a word referring to the male genitalia-“

Gil-galad stopped in his tracks. His cloak rustled around his legs, he halted so quickly. “You didn’t.”

“And therefore it’s a play on words in three languages, only two of which are Elvish, and one metaphorical level that Grampy would especially appreciate.” Celebrimbor fairly danced to face him. “It was brilliant! And yes, Cirdan and Oropher and Galadriel were there when I thought it up, and only Cirdan truly appreciated the linguistical play at work.”

“You mean he was the only one who laughed at your dick joke,” Gil-galad said flatly.

“He was the only one,” Celebrimbor affirmed. His previous cheer dissolved in a sigh. “And no one at all laughed when I announced the Gwaith-i-Mirdain. Not even a single snicker!”

Gil-galad was about to start walking again when he said that, and it caught him with one foot off the ground. The High King stumbled. “That was on purpose?!”

“Of course it was. Do you really think I would continue to wear Grampy’s Star if I couldn’t uphold his tradition of multi-lingual wordplay?”

“I highly doubt someone with the reputation of Fëanor thought up names like Dicks-ville and Semen-smiths!”

Celebrimbor smirked. “Try reading his treatise on early smelting methods with a Valarin dictionary. Rumor has it even Nienna cracked a smile.”

Gil-galad threw up his hands. “That is it! I am telling everyone I was adopted just so they don’t think I am actually related to you in any way, shape, or form!”

Thus in the attempt to avoid his cousin’s sophomoric humor, Gil-galad obfuscated his lineage and embroiled his very parentage in the Doom of Mandos (whom it is said does not appreciate a dick joke, and really should have been on Gil-galad’s side).


End file.
